SPACE GNOME
By Tim Case
Created February, 2020
Last Modified February 24, 2020.
[CAST OF CHARACTERS]
GNOME (dialogue bubbles with Gnome speech sound).
NARRATOR (dialogue bubble in different font than Gnome at top left of screen with typing sounds).
BARTENDER (silent, just nods and gesticulates).
[LEGEND]
ANIMATION with Dialogue.
STAGE DIRECTION.
AUDIO
[AT RISE]
White screen.
Setting and time text appear in bottom left of screen and stay there for 2 seconds:
Thursday.
July 21st.
2011.
Around noon.
White screen fades to black, text disappears.
NARRATOR:
A gnome walks into a bar…
Record scratch sound.
Cut to Gnome entering bar, angry animation.
GNOME
(shaking fist):
Hey what’s so damn funny about a Gnome walking into a bar? A Gnome can’t walk into a bar without it being some kind of joke, huh!? People should take Gnomes seriously!
Gnome walks over to bar stool and jumps onto it, waving to barkeep who walks over to tap and starts filling a pint for Gnome.
Camera angle changes to in front of Gnome sitting at bar.
GNOME
(talking to Bartender):
Getting damn near impossible for a gnome like me to enjoy a frosty beverage in peace!
BARTENDER
(nods, places pint in front of Gnome)
NARRATOR:
This particular gnome is recently retired from a long career of tinkering and wizardry, and was just about to engage in his usual Thursday afternoon routine, when…
GNOME (places laptop on bar in front of him).
GNOME (takes a drink of his pint then goes back to typing).
Item appears on television about final landing of Space Shuttle Endeavour.
GNOME (suddenly shocked, then shaking head in disgust).
GNOME (talking to Bartender):
Unbelievable! Can you believe they’re shutting down the Space Shuttle program? Such a shame! Such a waste of technology!
BARTENDER
(shrugs, leans back)
GNOME (takes a drink of his pint then goes back to typing).
GNOME
(talking to Bartender):
I know, I know, educational purposes, budget cuts, all that jazz….but STILL! That thing belongs in Space, not stuck in a hanger or stuck on a launchpad for display.
NARRATOR:
This particular gnome is finding retirement difficult, with not enough to do to keep him busy…
BARTENDER
(looks at camera, shrugs)
GNOME
(angry fist pound, then agreeing nod):
I won’t stand for it! If no Space Force in the world is going to put one of those beauties to good use, I will! Besides, I’ve always wanted to travel the stars. I’ve been an earthbound Gnome too long!
NARRATOR:
This particular Gnome, is prone to foolishly engaging in impulsive, sometimes dangerous, often ludicrous, and almost always delusional acts of larceny, vandalism, and various other petty crimes.
GNOME (finishes drink, stands up).
GNOME (does back flip).
NARRATOR:
He also loves to Dance.
GNOME
(walking towards exit):
To action!
Gnome dismounts his stool, does a cartwheel towards the exit, and then walks out the exit.
Fade to white. Then Fade to black.
NARRATOR:
T-10 seconds.
GNOME (VO):
Activate main engine hydrogen burn-off system!
White smoke starts to billow from underneath rockets.
NARRATOR :
T-6.6 seconds. This particular gnome is very excited.
GNOME (VO):
Oh, I am so very excited! Main engine start!
Smoke intensifies. Shuttle starts to vibrate.
NARRATOR :
T-3, 2, 1…
GNOME (VO):
We have lift-off!
Shuttle takes off, camera follows Shuttle into sky.
Timothy Case 